I am nervous. Nervous about myself and how the days goes by and im not doing any real work on my essay. Nervous about money. Nervous about my body. Nervous about people around me.

Sometimes, to pass the time. I look at beautiful people wearing beautiful clothes and loving in a luxiourious kinf of life. Just looking at the photos makes me ...content. In all selfishness, i feel content in my buble while looking at pictures.

The mind is a strange thing.

This lovely lady is my boyfriend's one-eyed cat. She's lolita. And she just got shaved! She the most tiny and lovely little girl-cat i ever met. I love her so much that i want to marry her. And have her babies.

-

You know what is also amazing?

i know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's penis's skin. Not all of them, but some are softer than the others. Especially my bf's penis. I could seriously pet his penis for hours, just cos its so fucking SOFT. I'd love a couch made only with penis's skin....so much better than leather.

-

What is also amazing his the rest of my bf. He's the most perfect thing ever. The nicest, sweetest mysoginist you will ever met. (hehe) Oh i dont want to blahblah about him but hes just amazing.

In my past relationships, i knew from the beginning it wouldn't last. 1) Because i was too young, 2) Im a pessimist, 3) two of them had major issues! But anyways, everytime, i would be like whatever, when we're going to break up im all going to be like fuck him, i need a break, urghh he was stupid etc etc

But in this relationship, see, he could dump me tomorrow for whatever reasons, But i dont think i could hate him, or despite him, i dont think i could loose any respect for him. Im going to be heartbroken and maybe suicidal or just going mental but i won't be angry at him. I don't think i'll ever stop loving him. And whatever happens, i want him to be happy because HE DESERVE it. He's just a good person. And that is so rare now. But right now, he's with me, and after 2 years, im still in shocked he's with me. I still squee , i still sometimes talk outloud to myself and say i love him i love him so much. I still panic when he's not holding my hand.

-

What you should listen to : Hard Candy- Madonna

What you should read: Blindess by José Saramago

What you should do: get a kitty

After listening Hard Candy a whole 6 times. I can finaly say a few read-able things about it. It's a good album. How good is another thing. She's not the main producer for this cd and it shows. Tracks like Heartbeat, Give it 2 me and She's not me even though excellent could be sing by any r'n'b youngandhot singers. When she sings 'see me shake my booty', i just can't beleive it's Teh Madonna im listening to.

And then theres the really good and awesome 4 minutes but it has Timbaland and Justin Timberlake all over it. For someone who hates duets she sure takes shitty choices for them. Theres been the one with Britney and before there was the one with Ricky fucking Martin.

Miles Away is her prettiest song since the Music (the cd) area. Spanish Lessons, her crappiest since the Bedtime Stories area.

It sounds bad when i talk about it, but it's really not. This cd is fun and young and very NOW. There's no hint of melancholy or religiouspreachy undertones. Is it the kind of Madonna i love the most? I don't think so but it's a Madonna that is gladly welcome in my headphones.

<3

Haters to da left.

i must confess that its the first time i remotly find him attractive. He's still fug but
but but but
i love his chest.

-

im extremely nervous and anxious and stressed out about a lot of things.

-school

-weight

-seeing any kind of my bf's family members

-my parents

-money

-life

-missed-opportunities

-insecurities about my own brain

-everything...yup about everything.

Dear Louis-Philippe,
Today i met you and im so glad i did. I was with your brother- thats the man who was besides me while i was holding you. Remember now?...the one whos really tall and gorgeous? Yup that's him.
You're only two days old <3 And you probably don't know what's going on around you but im going to tell you one thing: you are loved and cherished.

And everything is going to be ok for you. You have 3 siblings, 2 who are much more older than you so dont worry little one.

You'll have plenty of backups to help you get through life. And you'll have love, lots and lots of love.

Audrey

Hi, my name is Audrey.
It's 6:02 am.
And it's been a long sleepless night.
I feel like my head is going to explode in tiny pieces.
It's driving me crazy.

I don't want to read another word about HOMOSEXUALITY OR BISEXUALITY for at least 24 hours. WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS SUBJECT WHY WHY WHY AM I SO STUPID!

Imagine the deal, you get lots of tiny dick sticks in one box.

So if you decide to get 3 boxes. Then you have DOZEN of tiny dick sticks!

I think it's freaking B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T.

---------

i feel like a loser somtimes, for little things.

My brain is cluttered with stuff from the past. I just want them to go away.
NOW.

Min Jin Lee, an author that i discovered from a friend of mine wrote this little piece of amazing-ness in the last Vogue magazine. It's amazing because she's talking about her struggle with food, weight and body image. And at one point we clearly get that she's not done with her inner troubles even if she's successfull, in an happy marriage and is looking pretty good. She went from 214 lbs to 135 lbs, back and forth, gaining, starving, purging, loosing weight. But never gaining back her self confidence.

Amazing is not the right word, i know. But i felt somehow releived while reading the article. Sad too. Hopeful too, a little.

I would give so much, i would trade a lot of things, maybe i would give a few years off my life, or i don't know, get really ugly- to just be thin. Crazy how it sounds, i can't find a girl ugly if she's thin.

It's so hard.

----

BUT

I tried indian food for the very first time in my life. And i must say, it's pretty good. They love TEH ONIONS those indians, and i thank them cos ONIONS are teh amazingness.

-

This entry clearly shows my problems with food. For sure.

That picture is a winner of cute.

I don't have much to say. I was like a cleaning lady today then i ran away and stalked my bf for about 35 minutes. Then i decide to act my age and go out late.

...

Which i should never do. Because now im tired.

My boyfriend has the nicest most exquisite amazing beautiful chest. I told him many many times but i wish i had a carpet or even better a blanket made out of his chest. And then i could roll and warm myself and purr of pur joy.

Im not sure why im writing about this, but its 2:51 and i miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

Me: Dad, go back to your room!!!
My dad: Ok then.
-

Sometimes i feel like im the mother of two kids. Especially my dad.

It's a weird feeling.

«If you were a river in the mountains tall,

The rumble of your water would be my call.

If you were the winter,

I know I'd be the snow

Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow»

Dear Alexandre

i love you, i love you, i love your inside, your outside, i love everything-you

you make me cry, but its not your fault

i've never loved someone like that before

you're slowly cracking me open

and it's very scary

because then, you'll be able to break me

in *millions* of little peices.

my bear<3>

(plus)

Step one: Go on youtube.com

Step two: type; 'Goldfrapp-happiness'

Step three: watch their brand new spankin' video

Step four: feel the flow of happy inside you

-

Seriously, the video is that good. ^

-

And seriously, how good was today?!!! Yesterday was very blah and i was afraid of my own swing moods ...and i was seriously ready to call my doctor and ask for new medications or something. But today was all so smooth and pretty. I wasn't so afraid today.