January 16th

It's been 3 years...

I woke up today, i went outside and then it hit me. The date. 1 and 6. 3 years ago. Over, done, start over. I can't use the word survivor because i don't care for that word. It's sounds silly in my head, way too Destiny's child-ish for me. Im not at 100%, because i must say, i never were, a human at her 100% capacity. Im very much alive and very much aware of how bad and how good are things at the very same time.

Just minutes ago i was walking towards the kitchen. Thinking, oh mom and dad, how much i love you, and only because of this love i have for you two- where i dont want to ruin you both, that i didnt kill myself.

Sniffy.

So it's been 3 years and ive been tired ever since. That's really the most significant thing- how tired i am. How i want to sleep. Sleep sleep sleep sleep. And i don't want anything else more than sleep. And i don't know how to change things.

I don't know. And i can't really even think about it.