Ok there's the universe and the world. We come into the world with one life. And we're alone. Well we have family, the close family that we can count on. Sorta. For most of us, we have at least our mother or father, or both, and a sister or brother. This is like our safety net. We can feel we have nothing in common with them, we can fight them, takes breaks from them. But theres this biological bond that makes it youre not totally alone. The DNA, the blood, the feeling that even though youre nothing alike theyre going to be there, always in your life. And that's ok. It's not scary, there's no questioning in this. Oh does my sister loves me? Does my mom thinks its ok that i act like this? Maybe maybe but its doesnt change the core thing. Yeah maybe i dislike my brother but someone hurt him i will hunt them cos I love him and his my brother.

Do i make sense?

The thing is there's people including me who accept the fact that besides family we are alone. Internally, my heart, my brain, my skin- no one knows how it feels and no matter how cleaver or smart or sensitive no one is going to know. That's tragic in a way. But it's how it is. I have memories and perception and what i smell and what i touch makes me feel things no one will feel the same.

So i love someone. My boyfriend. Boyfriend is a silly word, but it's a cute word. So i use it. How tragic is to feel unworthy of his love. Because i can love him and that's ok. But him to love me back is scary. Does he really thinks he loves me? Why anyways? Cos im nice, wtf what im nice? Thats it? Ok there's more. But it all seems so silly. I feel like me loving him is like 2+2=4. It's logical because i seem to wanna write his name across the sky. And i question things and im like yeah ok no he doesnt love me and fuck it i dont mind. And then i feel like he does really care about me and im like oh no why? And that makes me scare. Its the feeling of an outside thing that comes really close to your own inner thing. And as humans, we are all about protecting ourselves cos that's what we know all our lives. Me me me. Me is the only person that stucked with me. Im the only one who went through things, i was the only one who made it through the change. So why does he loves me? Why do i love him? Why did i asked for his number? Why did i fucked my total content lonely self?

He gave me flowers.
And that makes me wanna cry.
So it's very simple and that makes it the most complicated thing ever.
I love him and i feel im not enough because he loves me.
But i love him.