June is almost at my door. Id like the time to stand still for a little more because knowing that i still have time to do something with my time this summer is the one thing that important. But it won't stand still and may is already over. I was a nurse for almost 3 weeks...then i got sick a little...not really fun or good or excellent month. So i read a lot and got new dvds.

Books are truely ma raison d'être. I feel totally comfortable with then because they dont see me, they cant hear me. I can't let them down or be not pretty enough.

They're just books.

And people are books to me, infinity of personal history. Like with my bf i feel like he's a book that let me read his story sometimes. And even when hes closed off, i still get to read his eyes and the way his hands moves, the way he talks etc. And im in love with him so i want to know more, always

But yeah, i had some good day- where it seems like my world was a little piece of paradise. So im mostly ok. My perceptions of things are the same which can be rather gloomy. And theres still time, time to feel at peace in my skin. Some day maybe. Time to just enjoy this real freedom that i have, but that feels sometimes more like a prison, a prison made of guesses, and questions, and a future to build.

And im anxious, and lazy and i can't see myself in 2009 , neither in 2010 or etc. I don't want to be sad all my life. If i live i want to taste, get a little bit of happyness. And i don't know if i will.

and im too scared to think think think.

SO FUCK IT.

So im just going to read more books and see more films.