I got 2 grades so far: A- and A.

This is great and i almost feel like i may be more than a total idiot. But at the same time, all i can remember is how every seconds on working or studying felt like torture to me. How after every line i wrote, i felt like crying because i thought it was SHIT and worthless. I seriously miss the time when i would barely study, get a B- and be completly happy about it.

In psychology, i think they would say that im scared of succes. Unconsciously of course.

Consciously im more afraid of not successing AT ALL. I can see having a diploma-sure. But i just can't even imagine finding a good job. Like a regular 'for normal adult' job.

The feeling of not feeling anything really good about my grades or my work is just this weird and uncomfortable sentiment.

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Im fascinated by Norah Jones's new video. It's called 'we're sinking now' or whatever its called. And wow i can't stop watching it over and over again. Another video i love is The killer's 'read my mind'. It's just a really pretty and a little wacky random video. It's lovely. I love lovely videos, they make me enjoy tv for 5 minutes.

And im so behind in the buying cds area. Fuckfuckfuck, theres NIN already out and Rufus Waintright is out soon and Tori Amos and fuck..who else...modest mouse!. ahajkhjss damnit.