PTSD

PTSD

PTSD

It's weird, it's the first time i looked on wikipedia to see what it was really. I can't beleive how they explain it in words. I don't know what to think of any of this. I like to laugh about how crazy i am but im not crazy. Im sure of this. Im not. I used to thin it was cool to be in crazy at 15. But then you start having hallucination and you dont think its cool anymore. And to read all these things they say about PTSD...makes me almost angry at myself to fall into this. And at the same time, i accept it and i want to work on it and be healthy mentally. And it's all silly, cos it's just brain cells. And im trying so hard to be my own little soldier and stop the dissociation and the self-destruction and the lonely feeling of being worthless.

worthless

worthless

im not a loser

im worthless

Therapy is basically yourself working on changing your almost unconscious reactions to things. It's almost impossible.

And it's boring.

But i know, shamelessly without therapy...that id be working really hard to be fucked up.

In therapy, that 50 minutes ...it puts be back into reality. My world is not in the reality. But please please God i want to live and be someone before i die. So yeah, i think i need therapy.

i dont want to be worthless, or nothing at all.

i want to be me, maybe one day i will show you

i hope