I would give everything i own so:

i could call a riot
make the revolution last
light up all the souls
to bring the undead back
or i'll give your money back
dry off all the tears
shake off all the fears

let them all eat cake
to the poor, the rich
the happy and the sad
let's pours sugar on this diet-life
wish on a endless night
be the wisest and the most decadent

ever ever never never forever
such a hard thing to think
or hard to say
to pick or to let go float
away
i dont want him to go

FAT VS HAPPY

hum i was about to talk about death and vengance and killing...

but let's think like a man
or
a mexican woman

BE HAPPY

I dont think im strong at all.

Angel: Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong.
Buffy: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because...


Then i cried softly for a few minutes. Im trying to put myself together again.

*I really want to scream till i fall down and never use words again. It feels awfull. All this, i hate it. Someone please rescue me.

Such a lazy one, i am
I could lay down and never move again
Or i could flip so far, i'd break your doors down.
Is it my fault, is it my lack
Good thing i have obssessions worth a lifetime
Good thing i know all my lines
Theres always time
Or time passing by
Such a bore, i am
Im surprised that we're still alive

Blam blam blam!

Ok so from 8:25 to 10:55pm, i said 'i love you' at least 5 times. It's too much. It's scientific, i read that somewhere in Cosmo or GQ. You don't repeat like a stalker maniac that you love him. Guys loves mysteries and feelings like "oh she's not easy" or " oh does she loves me?" They like to keep on guessing.

Well i think.
I can also be full of b-s.
Either ways, it's cool. Im tingly.

*I want a black kimono with a red bow.

I wish i could be touched without feeling like the most unworthy ugly thing ever. Im ok in the instant but then the time past and this froggy feeling comes inside of me. It's like im drowing. Then i jail myself in my room. The best image i can come up with is ... me purging my own self, then i become new in a new skin but id still be looking like myself. Sounds really awfull but it works if we think 'concept'. I can't grow a new heart, but i think i can grow a new mind...with a lot of internet and therapy?

Another thing, theres the old saying that 'everything happens for a reason'. Well i've been wondering what was this all about. In my life and the serie of events...i would like to know what's teh reason worth everything in sakes. Im not excepting to get a fucking prize or some kind of free-life vacation but if i could get out something 'magnifique' or 'healthy'. If i could feel it in my core...then id beleive in the everything happens for a reason thing. Id glady beleive it.

+
Batman is in a all new level of 'cool' now for moi. I really learn new things everyday.

"For some seeds are the seeds of ruin... and the most iridescent blooms are often the most dangerous." -V for Vendetta

Every sentences in the world is better good-looking with the word 'blooms' in it.
-

I've been randomly reading people's journals on lj. What shocks me the most is the clarity of their thoughts. How they can organize in multiple folders their feelings and their needs and etc. Im jealous. Nothing clear comes out of my mind. Everything comes in blurs and collages...That's why i need a manager. To organize my mind. And a personal trainer too.

-
I don't want this summer to end. Not this soon anyways.

The little things are too much for me. It's already august. I need to see my doctor for a mental update. I need to check all-things-classes related. I need to loose a million pounds. I need to go blonde. I need to get really great boots. I need to buy cds and dvds and books. There's lists in my head- tons of them. I need to breathe and stay calm and still beleive im not totally fucked in everything. I tend to have the impression that it's been already written somewhere that things are over for me or almost over. Everything is almost in front of me...im just so afraid to think it's worth it.

I names my ipod 'Timmy". He's pretty and little and wonderfull. Im downlaoding all these albums and ive always been too lazy to actually put them on a cd, so today i found myself listening for the first time:
-'Im going to tell you a secret" Madonna (whole concert live)
-Eyes Open-Snow Patrol
-Wicker Park Sountrack (the movie is triple shit but the soundtrack is goood)

My parents were gone all day so i had the house for myself. But i just stayed in this whole world of sound and words and i got tiny tiny glimpses of total perfect joy.
---
Scoop...the new Woody Allen movie= A, TOTAL A

V for Vendetta...Still speechless about it. I just know it made me glad to be alive. When V holds Evey and tells her that she can't runaway from her emotions. That she needs to own this moment. That she no longers has fears shutting her off... FUCK thats where i realize that im actually human and i have lived a life and that my brain cells and heart are two different things. That i have a body, that i have things to do, things to feel and no run away from. It's amazing how i can feel some things entirely and other things , that i completly block and shut. And it's all in me. It's sorta floating like air in me. I like to beleive it doesnt make anything change, but it molds me. I know i know.

The thing im scared of everything. Deep down im so scared. But when i don't let my mind slide, i don't see alive disasters coming over me. I feel good.

Good and calm and stars swimming in me...<3>

And im in love.