I want to archeive BEAUTIFUL. aND SING AT MY MOST BEAUTIFUL

I like cds. I feel like im cheating on something if i dont listen to the whole record. I tend to play one song on repeat when it's with mp3s. Before i go out of my house, it usually takes me a whole 5 minutes to figure out what i want to hear in my ears. Like i can't just grab a cd, i always have like a mood that goes with a bunch of cds. Today as i stepped out of my house: i listened to Garbage first cd, then Confession on a dance floor by Madonna then i got home and i put the new Damien Rice because my bf reminded me of how much i love the first song, then the best of R.E.M.

So im trying to figure out what was my mood of the day. Which is pointless. One thing is for sure. R.E.M is always a good thing. Electolite is gorgoeus.

Im on a overdrive i think. I feel like im always thinking or doing something and for every thoughts or every moves, it feels like i need to overcome some kinf of obstacle. It's exausting. I come home and im exausted. And then i just sit on my computer and work on my 3789 hundreds of essays i have to finish for the week. I spoke a lot of english today and somehow that helped me to just digest every thoughts i had. Since theres a lot of restriction, it just sounded much more simple. I couldn't really say EXACTLY what was going on so i just told the short version of it. And it calmed me. Although after a few hours, i just want the person to learn some french.

I want to be reincarnated as the song Supervixen. Or no, i want to live in that song. I want to live like the characters and how they act and react and feel and everything and i want to have sex like them. Or i want to be a cat. I must be bordeline sado-masochist. I dont know which one. Or maybe just destructive. But i dont want to be like myself.

Do i make any sense? I dont think so.

Do you guys beleive that i have a boyfriend? It's weird. Im the worst person to have a relationship with. I fucking swear, at 40 years old i'll be twice divorced with 4 cats. That or i die of a cancer.