Omg nobody knows what it feels like. It's such a selfish thing to say really but im the one with my brain. Im between absolute sadness/ heartbroken for a future that is yet to happen and being just totally in love and not caring about anything else. And seriously so what if it's not forever, so what if he doesnt loves me or whatever. I can't just ruin my own happiness and good delicious moments and seriousness love by these thoughts. Im not being dramatic and im not doing it on purpose and it's not fun or cool or deep. Im not crazy. I just happen to feel overwhelmed by being in love and i feel like im not measuring up but i the same time i do. It doesn't make sense. And it's really good and scary but i feel fine with him. But the totalness of it is that i shoould really STFU and get it over with be like ok i love you, no biggie.

But yeah i had a GREAT evening. So like different and better and good-er than last year. Oh fuck. I think im overreacting because i feel happy. Ok im crazy.

Let's do the god-awfull- cheesy thing now!!!!!!!!!!

Audrey LOVES Alexandreee

he's teh pretty and i love him and i want to live under his skin or just fuck forever or maybe cuddle with his cats and read sandman or just stare at him and then rape him in the kitchen while hes making cookies for our after sex.

yayyy!!!

Im feeling lucky
burts my bubble please
so safe around him
the world is not the same
this thing is powerful and brilliant
i still need to wear sunglasses
hide my eyes to them
but i know, good and good= good
why worry?
im still afraid

" Karen Page tries to scream but the only sound she can make is a dry sucking-"

"Sucking, She thinks of what she learned in college, in science class- what she learned about black holes-"

"Stars that collapse in themselves and stop shinning- collapse until there's nothing left less than nothing-"

"Just a hole that sucks everything in and takes it nowhere- Just sucks and sucks-"

' And she'd go She'd disappear ind it wouldn't matter- but his arms are strong and heholds her here on earth-"

-Daredevil- 'Born again'

I stop and I stare too much
Afraid that I care too much
And I hardly dare to touch
For fear that the spell may be broken

Parents: be nice to your kids.

I feel like im in need of hugs and silence. No complicated stuff. Close the doors and windows and don't yell or ask questions , don't make me doubt myself. Don't spoil my inner okayness.

And if you do bother me or hurt me. Say "im sorry". I never hear these words from my parents and that's really sad.

To the Jolie-Pitts: please adopt me.

zopiclone > clonazepam

Finally im going to sleep.

"The sky is big and my life is small."

This is exactly how i see things. Im not sure if it's a good thing.
-
I've been watching tv again. Every night around 2 am i watch the telly for like 30 minutes and it feels wonderfull...like all the info commercials, and videos and obscure Z-movies. I dont think it's totally healthy to completly stop watching tv like i did. Now i can talk about the Pussy Cat dolls lastest video with my friend or express my opinion about Justin Timberlake's dancing skills. OR THE GREATNESS OF GWEN STEFANIS!!!!

Seriously, 20 min of tv everynight really helped my mood.

also

I MISS BRITNEY'S PUSSY. WHY DO YOU WEAR PANTYS NOW? YOU'RE BORING NOW...IM SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID ABOUT YOU. I LIKED YOU BETTER WITH PARIS.

I want to archeive BEAUTIFUL. aND SING AT MY MOST BEAUTIFUL

I like cds. I feel like im cheating on something if i dont listen to the whole record. I tend to play one song on repeat when it's with mp3s. Before i go out of my house, it usually takes me a whole 5 minutes to figure out what i want to hear in my ears. Like i can't just grab a cd, i always have like a mood that goes with a bunch of cds. Today as i stepped out of my house: i listened to Garbage first cd, then Confession on a dance floor by Madonna then i got home and i put the new Damien Rice because my bf reminded me of how much i love the first song, then the best of R.E.M.

So im trying to figure out what was my mood of the day. Which is pointless. One thing is for sure. R.E.M is always a good thing. Electolite is gorgoeus.

Im on a overdrive i think. I feel like im always thinking or doing something and for every thoughts or every moves, it feels like i need to overcome some kinf of obstacle. It's exausting. I come home and im exausted. And then i just sit on my computer and work on my 3789 hundreds of essays i have to finish for the week. I spoke a lot of english today and somehow that helped me to just digest every thoughts i had. Since theres a lot of restriction, it just sounded much more simple. I couldn't really say EXACTLY what was going on so i just told the short version of it. And it calmed me. Although after a few hours, i just want the person to learn some french.

I want to be reincarnated as the song Supervixen. Or no, i want to live in that song. I want to live like the characters and how they act and react and feel and everything and i want to have sex like them. Or i want to be a cat. I must be bordeline sado-masochist. I dont know which one. Or maybe just destructive. But i dont want to be like myself.

Do i make any sense? I dont think so.

Do you guys beleive that i have a boyfriend? It's weird. Im the worst person to have a relationship with. I fucking swear, at 40 years old i'll be twice divorced with 4 cats. That or i die of a cancer.